A Lament to Snape
by Slyebo
Summary: One-shot. At Voldemort's final defeat, A fifth year Slytherin feels guilty because of her house, and has conflicting feelings about her most beloved teacher, Snape. Please Read and Review!


**Author's Note: After rereading Books 6 and 7 of Harry Potter (This fanfiction contains spoilers and references from those two.), my hatred of Snape renewed, and was then again broken by my will to forgive him. I can't stop thinking about Snape. It doesn't help that I had a dream I baked an ice cream cake for him and he smiled at me. Anyways, this one shot is inspired by my longing to give Snape a big hug, takes place right after Harry finishes off You-Know-Who, and that's pretty much it. I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters; I do however own Armonia Lasseler, the girl whose point of view this is written from.**

Fleeing judgment, ashamed of myself though I had done nothing wrong, I ran from the celebration in the great hall. The blood spattered on the walls and floors of the castle's corridors mocked and rejected me, for I was one of them. On the side of evil. A Slytherin. Being in that house was my only offense, but still... Hot tears cascaded mercilessly down my face. I did not need to look where I was going, five years of walking these halls, let me know exactly when I needed to turn to avoid a collision. I kept running aimlessly, my eyes squeezed shut, just running away. Away. I was such a coward… another cowardly Slytherin. Like Draco and his friends. Like You-Know-Who himself, and like…

Thinking of him, I cried harder. He had been so good to me… but after… what he did…

I collapsed to my knees, covered my face and howled and sobbed. I wanted to scream, but I simply didn't have it in me. For a moment it worried me that all my noise would be noticed, and someone might come and try to comfort me. That was the last thing I wanted. What I wanted now was something that did not exist. Some reason… some wonderful reason to love them both.

Both of the Headmasters I had learned from… Dumbledore, who had been wise and powerful, who had been outwardly kind and sought the best for all his students, the best headmaster Hogwarts has ever seen, maybe ever will… and then him… Snape. Snape, who was brilliant, and though seeming rough and unkind on the surface, he had good inside him… and he had taught me personally, one on one, things I starved to know more about, things no one else could have shown me so flawlessly. Occlumency and Legilimency, secrets he himself had discovered about countless potions, all scribbled into this old potions book that had been his. However, in my fourth year, when Snape finally got the post of Defense against the Dark Arts Professor, his old book seemed to have vanished. It bothered him very much to have lost it, and then not to be able to find it in the dungeons where he was sure he had left it… and then one day he refuses to see me, like he had done times before, mumbling angrily about Potter. That's another story really.

I had never disliked Potter. It was very uncomfortable, being it seemed, the only Slytherin who did not think he was a nasty git who was way in over his head. It was easy to tell that many just took on that view because they were jealous, but still, I was alone. Alone, except for Snape. He was the only one who ever had a true place in my heart. Often, he would look at my green eyes, just my eyes. It is only my guess, but I think they reminded him of someone he had loved… and now, it would only ever be my guess. According to Potter's words as he and You-Know-Who circled each other, Snape was dead. Killed for the sake of a wand, the Elder wand from the Deathly Hallow legends. I had seen it in Dumbledore's hand, the wand. I knew it had to be the one when I asked him if he knew anything about the Deathly Hallows, and evaded my question quite skillfully. And now the wand was Potter's. I pulled out the golden necklace I wore which bore the Hallows' symbol from my robes, and clutched at it. Snape... the best teacher I've ever had died for the sake of one of these blasted things. I took it off and cast it away, and heard it clang against something loudly.

"'Ey! Watch it!" I started at the voice. I opened my eyes, to see I had in fact stopped right in front of the entrance to the headmaster's office, where the disembodied head of the Griffin statue guarding it spoke.

"Ah… I… I'm so sorry…" I crawled over to where the necklace had landed, picked it up with shaking hands, and stuffed it in my pocket. I gave a large sob, and just started babbling. I felt the need to vent my feelings and explain my noise. "I've just been here, cowering like the coward I am, crying my eyes out over something that can't be fixed, Snape gone, Dumbledore go-" I was then interrupted by a loud stone scraping noise. The Griffin seemed to react to Dumbledore's name, and revealed the staircase up to the headmaster's office. Without thinking, I ran up the stairs, and burst into the empty room.

The portraits had been vacated, all its inhabitants off to join in the fun as best they could throughout the castle. I drew in a sharp breath in surprise. There was a pensieve sitting on the desk. I approached it slowly, curiously, and gasped again when I saw there was in fact a silvery memory swishing and flowing in it. Overwhelmed by curiosity, and afraid the opportunity might escape me at any moment, I thrust my head into the basin and was thrown into of all possible people, Snape's memory. I watched, awestruck by everything that passed before me. How truthfully revealed to me Snape really did have good in his heart, good enough for remorse, good enough to be forgiven, good enough that he was not in defiance of his goodness for his act of murder, that it was arranged… that he had always been, as I saw him… good…

And then I was back in the room. I smiled briefly, but then fell to the ground in more tears than ever. Finally, a chance to forgive the only person I had come close to calling friend, my dearest mentor, and he was dead. So dead. I wanted to run, run far, but I was numb. I wanted to die. Slowly, I left the office. Step by dragging step, I made my way to an exit; the closest one to the forest, where I would run. And maybe never stop running until I die. Or kill myself.

The dawn air was cool. Gentle breezes flew about, in a happy, manic sort of way. Even the wind was celebrating. After walking here, slowly, numbly, I could no longer hold it in. I broke into a run; leaving behind everything I could, yet yearning to hold onto it all the same. In minutes I was immersed in trees, still running, huffing, clutching at my sides. I held my head down and looked at my feet, barely avoiding the trees as I fled. Physical pain began to weaken me, and I knew I would have to stop running soon. Though very suddenly, I had the sensation I can only describe as escaping a crowded elevator. I stopped, and looked up and around. I was in a clearing.

The dirt in the clearing had been stirred recently. There were light footprints… human footprints…

I gasped, very audibly. It was a bit frightening to have made such a loud sound in such a quiet forest. Turning in the direction I from which I had been running, the direction of the castle, It came upon me that this was likely the very spot where You-Know-Who thought he'd killed Potter… no, definitely. I walked around the clearing in awe, absorbing its invisible history. The sun was rising faster than I would have liked, quite honestly I wanted very much to seclude myself in darkness, but I was too entranced by my discovery of this place to focus on darkness. For a moment I looked over the trees and towards the sun. Its golden beams slowly enveloping everything. I turned away. It made me feel guilty, the golden sun shining over, defeating everything associated with darkness, defeating me.

Then there was a glint, a tiny streak of reflected light. I wondered why I hadn't noticed it before, a black little stone, cracked down the center. I got down on my haunches and picked it up, examined it.

"Miss Lasseler?" the voice was not mine. I spun to where it came from, tripping myself, and there he stood, dark looking and surprised.

"P… Professor!" In a moment, several hours seemed to be going by. "I… you… but… you're dead…" Shock seemed to be tethering me to the ground, and I could only stare up into the black eyes of Severus Snape. Very slowly, dreamlike, I looked at the tiny stone in my hands. "The… it can't be… the resurrection stone…" Trembling, I returned my gaze to my late teacher. "I was just… thinking of you and…" It was strange to see him as he was. As if he was there, but somehow intangible, not belonging.

"How is it that I am here?" He looked straight at me. Right into my eyes. My eyes…

"Professor!" I shot up, and ran to him. I hardly wondered if I'd be able to touch his apparition. I embraced him, and cried. It was odd, as if I were hugging something solid, but hollow. "I'm s-so s-sorry P-Professor!" I sobbed into his chest. He remained still, but spoke.

"Sorry?" He sounded utterly bewildered, more by the fact that he was in a semi-present state than by my hold. So many things were spinning in my head. I barely knew where to start.

"S-sorry… for d-doubting you! F-for ever th-thinking you were… b-bad…" I sniffed uncontrollably. I was so happy to see him I could barely sort my thoughts.

"What do you-?"

"I know why, Professor! I know why…" I interrupted without thinking. "Why you always looked at me… at my eyes… they're just like her eyes, like that Lily." I did not let go, but I cocked my head up to see his face. It held only shock.

"How do you know about that?" His voice shook a bit and looked up into the forest. Still looking up at him, I confessed.

"The pensieve… in your- in the headmaster's office. There was a memory… your memory… I'm so sorry; I never meant to see… it was private, but…" I could no longer speak for my weeping.

"It was left out…" He mumbled angrily about Potter, and then finally returned my embrace. My eyes shot open, and I remembered the story, how the woman Cadamus loved was so unhappy to stay in the unethereal world.

"You… you can't stay. I don't want…" I pulled away from him, and looked into his face despite my cascading tears. "You'll become sad here… in this world. I… I'm so happy, we could speak again…" And I looked away. "But… you have to go." The following silence seemed to stretch for ages. I could think of nothing more. "G-goodbye Professor." I looked up one final time. As I opened my hand to let the stone drop where I had found it, he thanked me, so quietly he may have just mouthed it. And he smiled. Not really with pride… or with longing… or with mania. Just… happiness. And then he was gone. I drew in a shaky breath, and looked up at the sky, feeling the warmth of the rising sun. Smiling, I decided I was finished crying. Swiftly I began walking in the direction I knew I'd find the castle. It was time I too joined in the celebrations.

THE END!!!!!

**Author's Note: OMG!!! I'm soooo glad I finally got this off the back of my eyelids. That's where these things stay you know, little scenes that won't stop playing themselves over and over the moment you shut your eyes. ANYWAYS, Armonia's name was never really important, I just felt like I needed to give her one… I picture her with wavy, untidy long blond hair, green eyes (obviously), wearing some green under her robes (since she's a Slytherin after all) and with a golden necklace donning the symbol of the Deathly Hallows. I made her a 5****th**** year because I'm 15… so I think it was the best option as far as conveying feelings that belong to myself. WELL, good thing it's finally over!**


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